Shattered Fears Read online

  “You know, if you would just get your paws wet, you could catch them yourself.”

  She raised a painted tiger eyebrow toward him.

  “Are you serious? Remember the old adage, ‘cats don’t like water’.”

  “Brayden swims with me all summer, normally.”

  “Brayden also likes rolling around naked in the snow; he’s a snow-leopard and not a real cat.”

  “Brayden likes pouncing on things. That makes him a cat to me,” he grumbled and came nearer to the shore.

  “There’s a difference, Zain. Brayden likes pouncing on Selene. She’s a human, not a mouse.” Katia laughed. “You ever get the feeling the dynamic of the pack is changing?” He sat down in the water with another fish in his hand. It gasped its last breath when the air in its gills ran out.

  “What do you mean?” he asked inquisitively.

  “Relationships.” Katia lay back and stretched out her legs and arms.

  “Oh.”

  “They’re everywhere I look, now: Selene and Brayden, Scott and Emma, Tyler and Teagan. I wonder who will be next?” She snorted out a chuckle. “It won’t be me; I’m not a relationship person.”

  “Neither am I.” He looked down at the fish forlornly. Too many memories lay in his path to ever enjoy a relationship again.

  “Why?” Katia asked.

  “You know, just…” he hesitated.

  “Zain, I know I’m not always the most conversational in the pack, but you can talk to me. I know most people go to Jane when they have a problem because she’s like the mother of the pack and not just to Brayden, but to everyone. I’m a good listener, though, if something is bothering you.” She rolled onto her side to face him directly. Katia had eyes that could bore deep inside you. They were almost golden in color but with a hint of blue. They were unique and the result of her ancestral mix between a lion and tiger.

  “You interested in becoming the agony aunt for the Glacial Blood then?” He teased with good humor in the hope it would lighten the conversation.

  “I’m good with my role as a fighter, thank you, but just…if you ever wanted to talk, know I’m here.” He’d never spoken to anyone in the pack about Isobel. Kas knew a bit, but he found himself suddenly wanting to share.

  “There is, rather, was someone. It was before I came here. The reason I did, actually. It can never be though. She’s human.”

  “Oh yes, humans and shifters, we don’t mix well as couples. Did she find out?”

  “No, she doesn’t know what I am. It’s one of the reasons I left. It was at the stage where I couldn’t be with her any longer without telling her. Her father, though, he had a thing against shifters; he’d wild ideas about us being savages.”

  “He knows we exist?”

  “No, he thinks he knows we exist. I don’t know where it came from. It’s bizarre. She was close with her family. It would’ve meant she’d need to make a decision between me and them. I couldn’t let her do that. I just wish...” His shoulders slumped, and he felt his whole being sink deeper into the water.

  “That you could fall out of love with her and move on? But the feelings you have will never go away.”

  “Yes, exactly that.” He looked up at her with his big brown eyes. “I don’t think it’ll ever happen. She’s ingrained in my heart.”

  “I wish I knew what love felt like. It sounds like it would be nice.” It was Katia’s turn to stare off into the distance.

  “You’ve never been in love?” he questioned.

  “Not even in lust,” she sighed.

  “You never told us why you came to Glacial Blood? Does Kas know?”

  “He knows bits. It’s not something I’m ready to talk about, yet.”

  “I remember the day you showed up. You were so quiet; what happened?” He laughed and had made a joke to dispel the tension. Katia’s past was a closed book, for now, and he could see by the lines of worry marring her face that it wasn’t something she was ready to share, even if he’d been open with her.

  “Hey, I like being noisy and a little crazy,” she purred.

  “I’m glad you found a home with us.”

  “Me too, and I’m glad you’re here, Zain. Even if everyone is finding relationships, it won’t ever change the sense of belonging I get from being in the pack. A family isn’t always blood, but it is what we have. Now, enough deep and meaningful, are you going to share some more fish with me?”

  He groaned, reached into the water to get another fish, and tossed it to her. She caught it with her transformed tigress’ paw. She used her sharp claws to slice open the fish and nudged half of it back his way.

  “Here.”

  “Hey, you’ve got the bigger half,” he moaned.

  “I’m a growing girl.” Katia got to her feet and waved at him over her shoulder as she receded down the jetty. “Thanks for my snack. See you back at home.”

  “Bye,” he called out to her.

  It was a beautiful day. He pulled his muscular bear frame onto the jetty and lay back to enjoy the sun. It wasn’t long before his eyelids felt heavy, and he allowed himself to succumb to the need for sleep.

  “I’m not sure this is the best idea you’ve ever had, Izzy.” Zain winced as he looked at the ice rink in front of him. He was seventeen and already well over six foot in height; plus, he wasn’t steady on his feet. Him, out on an ice rink was a bad idea. He looked over at the woman beside him, though, and the look of excitement on her face washed away his fears.

  “Can we just try? Please, I’ve always wanted to ice-skate. It looks so much fun.”

  “Okay, but you have to kiss better all my cuts and bruises later.”

  “Deal.” She jumped and clapped her hands together. “Give me your shoes, and I’ll get the skates.”

  He bent over and untied the combat boots that he was wearing and handed them to her. She held them by the tip and sniffed.

  “Wow! I think you need new shoes.”

  He looked down in shame. It wasn’t his fault they smelled. He was a bear, and shoes constricted his feet and made them sweat. No shifter enjoyed shoes, well except for the lionesses when they were out on the prowl for the night. He’d seen it for himself one time when he’d been out for a wander in the woods. They all had on at least five inch heels and chatted animatedly about designer names, which had left his head spinning. He looked at the neat white trainers Isobel wore. Now, they were suitable for a shifter. Easier to run in. He liked what Isobel wore. He understood that it wasn’t the height of fashion, but the casual jeans, smart blouses, and tunic tops suited her.

  “You look pretty, tonight,” he complimented her. She laughed and hit him lightly on the chest.

  “Don’t change the subject. We’re going to buy you new boots.”

  He groaned.

  “As long as you take me shopping, and we can spend more time together. I’ll agree to that.”

  “Dork.” She chuckled and disappeared into a queue of people to deposit their shoes. A few minutes later, she reappeared with skates. They looked like torture devices. He put them on and found his footing. Ok, this wasn’t bad. He could do this.

  “You coming?” Isobel held her hand out, and he followed her with a strange walk to the ice.

  Holy Hell! Ice-skating wasn’t natural. The first step he made onto the ice sent his legs in different directions. He grabbed the side and held himself up. His heart beat rapidly. Any chance of looking cool for his girlfriend vanished as fast as honey did when he was hungry.

  “You okay?” Isobel effortlessly skated up to him.

  “It’s not as easy as it looks,” he admitted.

  “I thought you’d done it before. I’m sorry.” She held her hand out for him, and he took it. The other hand remained tightly gripped to the side of the rink. Slowly, he started to glide his feet: one in front of the other. Every so often he’d lose his footing, and he’d resemble Bambi on ice for the first time, but eventually he got the hang of it and managed to let go of the side. He made sur
e to hold Isobel’s hand tightly, though.

  “Are you enjoying it?” she asked him as they were on their fourth lap of the rink.

  “It’s different, but yes, I am.”

  They pulled to a stop, and he sat back against the side. She pressed her body into him.

  “Thank you,” she whispered into his ear.

  “What for?”

  “This. I know you were nervous, but you still did it for me.”

  “You’re my girlfriend. We do stuff together.”

  “Your girlfriend?” She tested the words on her tongue.

  “Yes,” he frowned.

  “You do realize this is the first time you’ve officially named what we are.”

  “Is it?” he questioned. “Shouldn’t be. You’ve been my girlfriend since the day we first met, and you will be until the day we die.”

  She smiled at him but didn’t answer. He retook her hand and set off skating again. He was determined that, by the end of the evening, he would be skating without holding her hand. Actually, scrap that, he was never going to let her go. No matter what.

  CHAPTER THREE

  “Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?” Zain brought her into his arms, and she nestled her head against his broad chest. They were alone in her bedroom, lying on her bed. Her father was out at a function for his senatorial campaign. She had sort of listened to him, when he was telling her about it, but she’d been more excited about Zain coming over. They’d been in a relationship for so long that she didn’t know where he ended and she began. She wanted to take it to the next level; she had wanted it for over a year now. She was a year younger than his twenty, and she was ready.

  “Zain?” She pushed herself up with a questioning look on her face.

  “Yes?” He looked at her. There was sexual heat evident in his eyes. A heat which instantly went down to her panties, and arousal pooled there. She was nervous about asking him again. They’d only discussed sex one other time, two years ago during a picnic. She’d been ready, but he’d said ‘no’. She wasn’t going to take ‘no’ for an answer this time. She wanted him.

  “I’m sure every time you go home, from being with me, you must jerk off because I know I play with myself. I’m beyond frustrated.”

  He sat bolt upright, almost whacking her square in the face.

  “You what?”

  “I masturbate.”

  He gulped slowly. She looked down at his groin where his trousers were straining over his growing erection.

  “Izzy, please.”

  “No. You’re going to listen to me, this time. I want you to make love to me here and now. If you don’t, then I’m just going to have to look after myself because I’m so horny I need to get off.” There, she’d said it. Oh, god. What if he still said no and walked away? Damn it. No, don’t falter, stay focused she told herself.

  “You do?”

  “I do.”

  “You will?”

  “I will.”

  “Ok.”

  “Zain,” she pouted.

  “You want to take our relationship further?”

  “Yes.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Zain Thornton, I mean it. If you don’t scratch this itch I have, then I’m going to have to do it myself. We’re both over the age of consent. Way over. We have the house to ourselves. We’ve been together for four years. We’re virtually an old married couple, spending all our time together. My dad even thinks we’re sleeping together because you’ve stayed over enough and fallen asleep in my bed. That’s why he’s not worried about you being here tonight while he’s out. Sleep with me!”

  “Izzy.” Zain shuffled closer to her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

  “What?”

  “I should say no.”

  “No, you shouldn’t,” she whispered.

  “But I’m…”

  “You're what?” Her voice was getting desperate now. She was pleading with the man she loved to show her just how much he felt for her.

  “I’m a…I’m…”

  “Please.”

  “I’m in love with you.” Zain leaned forward and placed his lips onto hers. Heat flooded through her body. This was going to happen. His tongue swiped across her lips, demanding entry into her mouth. She accepted and parted her lips, and their tongues began to twist in a dance of passion. He pushed her down onto the bed, and his eager hands explored the length of her body through the jeans and t-shirt that she was wearing.

  “Zain,” she murmured into his mouth.

  “Slowly, it has to be slow.” He pulled away from her and rested his forehead on hers; their eyes met. “I’m just as much a virgin as you are. I want this to be good for you, but I’m pretty certain the second I put myself inside you, I’m going to come. We need to do that bit last.”

  “I don’t need foreplay. I’m ready.” Her brazen side emerged, and she pulled his hand down to between her thighs where she had soaked through her tight jeans.

  “Holy shit. You weren’t joking.” Zain yanked his hand back and bit his lip. “Clothes off, now.”

  This was it. She was going to be naked in front of the man she loved, for the first time. They were going to give themselves to each other entirely. She slid from the bed and pulled her t-shirt over her head. She looked over at Zain from under her long eyelashes. He was watching her with such sincere intent; she was sure he wasn’t even blinking. She lowered her jeans down her legs and let them pool at her feet on the floor before kicking them away.

  “Underwear,” Zain ordered.

  “Are you taking anything off?”

  He sat up and pulled his shirt off.

  “Happy?”

  Hell yes, she was ecstatic. She’d seen him a few times with his shirt off, and indeed he’d developed from a gangly boy into a muscular man. She licked the edges of her lips in anticipation of trailing her tongue around the contoured muscles of his torso.

  “If you keep looking at me like that, then I’m going to come in my pants before I even get near you.”

  She bit her lip and looked away. He laughed.

  “We were talking about your underwear.”

  “We were?” she asked, confused.

  “Yes, you were going to remove it.”

  “Oh, yes.” She unclasped the back of her bra and lowered the gossamer silk of the cups off her breasts. She let go of it, and it fluttered to the carpet. The low rumbling growl from Zain had her eyes popping wide with desire. She lowered her panties, next. Zain sniffed the air. Hopefully, he couldn’t smell how excited she was from there because it would be embarrassing.

  “Back on the bed.” Zain shifted to the side of the super king-sized bed she slept on. She lay down and looked up at him. One moment, he was taking in the sight of her, and the next, he’d crashed their lips together again and was working his way down her body. His mouth exploring first the slender column of her sensitive neck, and then her breasts. He paid particular attention to her nipples, which had her writhing in pleasure on the bed.

  “Zain,” she moaned when he traveled farther down across her stomach to where she needed his touch the most. She shut her eyes and shuddered when his tongue stroked up the length of her slit. He flicked over her clit and dove his tongue into her entrance.

  “More,” she cried like a wanton harlot. Zain licked her out faster and faster, his tongue working its magic. Before she knew what was happening, she was orgasming in a hail of stars and loud groans. Her whole body pulsated with the pleasure cascading through it. She’d never felt anything like it before. She became vaguely aware of Zain moving off the bed. She turned her head to look at him. He pulled his own jeans down, and his underwear with them. His cock sprang out and bounced proudly. It was massive, and she instinctively brought her legs together and clenched.

  “You’ll be alright,” he smirked.

  “Easy for you to say.”

  He fumbled around in his jean pockets and pulled out his wallet. From inside, he retrieved a condo
m. He threw the pants on the floor and opened the packet. She watched as he slid the condom over his length. He returned to the bed and lay over her as she settled back with her head against the pillow. He positioned himself at her entrance and paused.

  “Zain?” she questioned.

  “I love you,” he announced.

  “I love you, too,” she replied, without hesitation.

  “I mean it; no matter what. This. You. You are everything to me. I’ll never love anyone else as much as I do you. You’re mine forever.” He looked down to where his cock was positioned ready to join them as one.

  “I know,” she whispered back to him, and he started to work his way inside her. It hurt at first; he was big, and she was stretching to the point of tearing. She tried to keep her body relaxed and concentrate only on the significance of what they were doing, not the pain. She’d heard enough times that it hurt at first but would lessen. Zain pushed farther forward and seated himself fully inside her. She let out a long breath, which she’d been holding the entire time. She reached up and stroked her hand across his jaw as he moved his head and kissed her fingers.

  “Are you ok?” he asked with genuine concern.

  She took a moment to weigh up what she felt before she answered.

  “Yes.” The pain had vanished, and all that remained was an overwhelming feeling of love and affection. Zain withdrew slowly, leaving only his tip inside her. She immediately lamented the loss; then with a powerful surge of his hips, she met and welcomed him back in.

  “You’re tight, and this is my first time. I’m going to come soon. I want you with me. Touch yourself.”

  She couldn’t help but giggle.

  “What?”

  “I thought the reason we were doing this was so I didn’t have to touch myself.”

  “Ha-ha.” He jerked his cock inside her, and she groaned deeply, her hand reaching instantly for her clit. She rubbed herself until the heat built to a boiling point inside her, and she cried out.

  “I’m going to come.”

  “Thank fuck.” Zain bucked his hips wildly a few times then buried himself deep inside her. She wondered if he’d ever be able to leave. His growl of orgasm sent her over the edge, and they came together both flying high on emotion and sexual satisfaction. When his cock finally stopped pulsating inside her, he carefully withdrew and collapsed next to her on the bed.